Sunday, February 20, 2011

MY Vicious In Laws

Their have been countless jokes and stories written about people and their troubles with their in laws. It has been recorded in countless songs. Most people I know dread going to their in laws houses or even spending a few minutes with them. I for one, got lucky enough not to have to be one of those people. I will never forget the feeling of complete terror on the 20 minute drive to his mom's house to meet them for the first time. I was almost nauseous because I was so nervous. After the first 10 minutes everything changed! My husband is constantly pulling me away from his mom's house or getting jokingly offended because his sister comes over to the house and walks right past him to say hello to me! lol I just wanted to write this to make you all jealous of my situation and also as kind of a tribute to all of them.
My husbands brother Taylor, is one of those people who walks into a room and commands attention! He is one of the funniest people that I know. I admire the fact that he can talk to anyone. No matter what age,race, religion or sex you are, you just want to be his friend as soon as you meet him! It's really strange! He is one of the most fun loving people I know as well. He is still quite young so of course it has gotten him in trouble from time to time. I find myself incredibly protective of him as if he is truly my own little brother. I catch myself, every time I talk to him, ending the conversation with, "Have fun but make sure you are also being careful!" I have officially become the protective big sister! lol
His sister Tiffanie is also someone that you can't help but notice when she walks into a room. She is physically one of the most beautiful people ever. The best part about that is that she really doesn't give a shit! I know that sounds kind of harsh to say, but what I mean is she is one of the most beautiful people inside as well. Most of the time you see women who are beautiful on the outside and as soon as they open their mouth to start talking to you, you would rather punch yourself in the face repeatedly than to continue on with the conversation. She is smart and caring and she can laugh and joke with me about just about anything! She is also one of those people who, as soon as you meet her you really want to be her friend!
My husband gets most of his demeanor from his Dad.  I have never met a more calm person in my life. lol When you around him it's just kind of relaxing. He doesn't really get too excited about anything and that is one of the things I value most about my husband. I worry all the time and he snaps me out of it.
His step dad Chuck is one of the most interesting people to talk to. He could hold a conversation with anyone about anything. There is truly never a dull moment around him. In a lot of ways, in my opinion, he has been a huge influence in my husbands life. He has taught him a lot of things about being self sufficient and is definitely kind of a ying to Koy's moms yang. In a lot of ways he is like me, how Koy is like his mother. I tend to talk all the time and he tells me to shut up. Much is the same with Chuck and Koy's mother. lol I can never keep a straight face when someone says something and he spits out, "Gee Fer Socks" (or whatever the saying is)
Koy's mother Kathie has been an extremely influential person in my life. She is an incredibly strong woman who goes right after what she wants. Most women like that tend to be cold and off putting but I don't know of ANYONE who rivals the heart of gold that is inside this woman. I can remember the feeling of sheer terror 3 years ago when we were on our way to tell her that we were engaged. I have loved Kathie since the first time I met her, but I was engaged to be married to her only biological son. Most women tend to have some bitterness in that situation. I was freaking out the whole drive there. We walked into the door and on my way to the bathroom, I tripped over her dog and fell in the hallway. So right then I thought to myself, ok this can't be a good sign. When we told her she actually cried tears of joy. She welcomed me into the family with open arms and has treated me just like one of her kids ever since. She has done everything from, sitting in the hospital with me to just listening to me cry if I had a bad day. I have never felt so close to someone who is not part of my biological family. I could sit and talk to her for hours and she always knows what to say.
I don't really understand how I got so lucky to be blessed to have all these people in my life. Without, even talking about my husband, I guess you can see why he was the one I chose to marry. I love all of them so much, just as if they were my own family, because now they are. Koy has a little piece of all of these people in him. It makes him the perfect person for me. I have especially, lately, realized that you have to hold onto what you can, when all else seems to be failing. I thank God every day that I have such strong wonderful people to hold on to!

So Helpless!

I am no stranger to the self pity party. These last few months have been very hard for me. I have always been able to push through my flare ups. I can no longer push through whatever this is that's going on now. I am so sick and in so much pain and nothing I seem to do helps. I feel so helpless.
I was always going 100 miles an hour. I worked 12 hours a day and would come home cook dinner, do laundry, whatever. The last 6 months have been tough for me because I am relying on so many other people to help me. I am so thankful that so many people are there for me, but it's difficult not to feel guilty for them going way above and beyond what they need to do to help you. I went from 100 miles an hour in my mustang car to sitting in a Chevette that's wheels have been cemented into the ground! That's a hard pill to swallow.
My family and friends keep telling me that they want to do whatever they can to help because they feel so helpless that they can't make me feel better. They have done everything from, cleaning my house, grocery shopping, and driving me all over Ohio! I keep hearing the statement, "You are far too good a person to have to go through all this." That's such a great thing to be called a good person, but I don't really see myself that way. They keep saying over and over I feel so helpless I wish I could do something to make you feel better. I know they want to help but I always think to myself how could they possibly feel as helpless as I do?
Well now I know. In the past few days I have had a good friend involved in a motorcycle accident and another good friend who is very very sick. It is so frustrating not being able to fix it. I want to make them better and I can't do anything. Now I understand the feeling that others around me have. You just sit and worry constantly and try to figure out what to do. You always come up with nothing that's what's really bad.
At least I have been taught to let people do a little bit for me. If it helps to eliminate that helpless feeling, that I've been having, I'm glad to be able to hand over the reigns. Although it's hard not to be able to do everything myself, I wish I was healthy enough to go visit Tim in the hospital, or go clean Monique's house for her. It's so difficult to see someone you care about struggling that way. So yes I'm gonna say it, "They are too nice of people to be going through all this pain." I am an honest believer that some people could not handle going through that kind of pain though. God puts the strength inside us to be able to rise up!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Husband Handbook!

So my friend Monique and I were talking earlier and it's weird how much we are like! We have the same sense of humor and even try to say things at the same time! The strangest part is that our husbands act the same too. We both have wonderful husbands who take really good care of us. They are also both relatively shy and have a lot of the same habits and "flaws." We were discussing some of these things and decided to compile a list we name the "husband handbook". I am curious to see how many of your significant others share the same kinds of habits or traits. Here's what we have so far, feel free to comment or add! Keep in mind these rules are set up like a "manual" for the husband to read.

1. You are not allowed to whine about a runny nose in our presence, unless you are also dealing with a spleen with a ninja complex!
2. If you are hurt or sick you probably need a medical opinion of someone more qualified than your wife. Call the doctor and refer to #5
3. You must be sick enough for you wife to feel sorry for you in order to avoid being addressed as "little girl".
4. We will NOT smell, touch, rub or pick off anything that has attached itself to your body!
5. I promise that you will not blow up or die from placing a phone call. ie. doctor pizza, etc.
6. If the wife is on the phone, she will talk to you when her call is complete. There is no need to try to start a conversation while she is talking to someone else. Please be respectful to the person on the line and allow them to have "their" time with your wife.
7. Everyone around you knows that you are smarter than the household pets. You don't have to humiliate them in front of people to prove this fact!
8. If you choose to watch shows that lower your IQ points, you are NOT permitted to call Billy The Exterminator dumb!
9. Although most household chores get done without your help, your clothes really DON'T pick themselves up off the floor and walk to the laundry to wash themselves!
10. Your wife was not born knowing how to cook. The same process that taught her could also teach you.
11. Your wife knows just as little about filling out that form as you do. She does not automatically know how to complete paperwork that you do not. Ex. They do award rebates to men also, it's not just a chick restricted perk.
12. The vacuum cleaner can be operated by a man. There is a manual that will even show you how to do it. It's a new word to men called INSTRUCTIONS!
13. Your wife knows how to change a tire and make your toes curl. She can't do both. Which one will you choose?
14. Picking up and emery board or a tampon, will NOT make you grow a vagina.
15. Just because it's in a carton does NOT mean that you should always drink straight from the container.
16. Unless you are actually a pimp by occupation, a burgundy tweed suit pretty much ensures that you will no longer get sex.
17. I know it's hard to understand, but please don't make fun of women, just because they do not physically and emotionally abuse their best friends. You have your way and we have ours. Let it be!
18. If you choose to buy us clothing, or anything that will have to be a correct size, ALWAYS check sizes in similar products that we already have. This rule is for your self preservation.
19. When you use the last of the toilet paper on the dispenser, when you get a new roll out it goes back in the same place. If you need a more detailed explanation just ask your wife, she would be more than glad to show you how this works!
20. Although we appreciate having a man that helps do home improvement projects for us, I don't really think it's necessary to install a 700 dollar faucet with a beer bottle opener when all the old faucet needed was a screen.

I hope you guys enjoyed these. Please feel free to leave comments and we will add! :)

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

My Hero

Lots of people have a wonderful father in their life who is always there for them no matter what. My real dad is not such a great guy and has never been there for us. We don't even really know him that well. I have a wonderful step dad who is great to me but he wasn't around until I was about 12 years old. I always felt like I missed out on a father figure who was the example of what a real man should be. This was incredibly hard for me, so I can't imagine what it is like for a boy growing up that way. The father is supposed to be the person who teaches him how to be a man and a father and a husband.
My brother Dave has overcome the odds in such a big way. He grew up in a house with 4 women. I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like. Poor guy never stood a chance on ever winning an arguement. He never stood a chance on understanding why he was even in an arguement to begin with. As a woman I know that sometimes we argue over things that are so ridiculous to men that they have no idea what to do but stand there looking dumbfounded and not make any sudden movements. When we were growing up, I'm sure that more than once I was the reason for his confusion. Now that I am older I feel so bad for him. lol
My brother is my example of what a man should be. He took the information he was given from the men who were terrible and used it as a guide of what not to do. I am so proud of the person he has become. He is married to a woman that he has been dating since high school and he treats her like a queen. He has not followed the "talk to her like a dog and smack her around when that doesn't work" example that he grew up around.
He has found his way to God and his teaching his kids as such. That's pretty strange coming from the "don't go to church and do what you want" teachings that he was raised with. His children are taught to feel the love of God and to try to do the right thing to be the best person that you can be. His children in turn are trying to do the right things and be good people.
Dave has become a model father. I don't really understand how he is such a wonderful father even though there was nobody to teach him how. He spends time with his kids and attends their events and schools. He teaches his boys to be respectful and polite and also how to have fun. His boys eyes light up when he walks into a room. It's truly is a magnificent thing to see. Even though he is strict with his boys, you can tell that they know that they have the best daddy there ever was. They are correct.
All these things make me so proud to call myself his sister. The thing that makes me the most proud is he is just a great human being. He takes the time to listen to people and try to help them with their problems. I am so lucky to have such a strong,intellegent,wonderful many in my life. My brother is one of my best friends and he gives me an example of the type of person, we all should strive to be. I am so proud to be in his presence and he truly is my hero!

My Girls!

Ok I was inspired to write this after Monique and I were having a conversation. I have become pretty good friends with some people that I have never met. That is strange. I am normally pretty skeptical of people and to be my friend I have to really feel connected to you.
All my life I have had quite a bit of acquaintances. I have never really had a shortage of people around me. It just takes a lot for me to consider you a friend. Now, I'm not saying that being my friend is this huge privilege, or that I am a hard person to impress. I'm just saying that I am the kind of person who takes a while to trust someone.
In the last couple of months I have people that I actually consider FRIENDS that I have never met face to face. It's hard to explain how you can feel so close to people who you have never even really heard their voice in a conversation. How odd is it that people who you have never met can be the ones who really know how you are feeling?
I know some people don't believe in God but I do. So if you don't and you will be offended now would be a good time to stop reading! I think that God sends people in to your life when you really need them. Before I met these wonderful women, I would say I was pretty thoroughly depressed. I have been sick for a long period of time and nobody understands me. Even though the people around me were trying to help they always seemed to say something stupid that often times just made things worse.
Monique and Falanya in particular have been saving graces to me. I'm not trying to turn this into another "loving my people" article, I'm just trying to make a point. Out of the millions and billions of people who use twitter, or just the internet in general, I was able to find these 2. I feel like these guys get me and they care and that is HUGE! They are able to cheer me up when I'm down and they really do understand what I'm going through.
My point is that it's really strange how these things come in to your life when you feel like you can't take it anymore. I think God uses people to take care of you. God uses people to help you when you really need them the most.


I learned at a young age that good friends are hard to come by,
The kid of friend that when you are sad they sit with you and cry,
She is always there to catch me every time I fall,
She makes me feel just like her, like I'm almost 6 feet tall,
I know she's always there when she feels I need protected,
The kind of person you know right away deserves to be respected,
We laugh and talk about everything and nothing at the same time,
Even though she probably gets annoyed she always listens to me whine,
When I was sick in the hospital you sat with me all night,
You make me feel like a good person, even though I'm not sure you're right,
Even when my world seems so very dark and gray,
You are always there to help wipe my tears away,
It's extremely clear to me that I have the best friend on earth,
She is truly my sister, even though it's not from birth,
Some days I feel heavy like my shoes are full of sand,
You will have me jumping and skipping just by taking my hand,
Life has given me hard times sometimes I feel like I can't cope,
How do you always know what to say to always refill my hope,
Lots of times life gets me down everyone knows this is true,
I feel so lucky cause I look up and there I always find you,
I don't know exactly why God blessed me with such a wonderful friend,
I know one thing for certain our friendship will never end,
I say a prayer for you every single day,
I know your friendship is a debt that I can never re-pay.

This is for my best friend Ashley. She is my biggest supporter. She helps me so much and I don't know what I would do without her. I am so blessed!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Ode to my tweeps!

I used to think courage was a giant lack of fear,
that was until the last couple of years,
The last year especially has been the worst of my life,
I don't feel like a good friend,sister,daughter or wife,
Sometimes I feel so terribly weak
I can't see the sunlight and my outlook is bleak,
I look to the sky for an answer even just a sign,
I can't sleep or be comfortable so I play on line,
I don't quite understand how people that I can't even see,
Seem to be the ones who most get me,
I feel like I'm stuck under a constant cloud,
These people help me find reasons to be proud,
I sometimes waste 3 hours with my face in a trash can or sink,
These incredible women lend me their strength,
I don't quite understand how they have so much to lend,
Or how they make me feel better by being a long distance friend,
It's weird how they always know the right things to say,
Or even just a funny random conversation to keep depression at bay,
It's hard to be sick, you feel you have no reason to laugh,
Then someone starts talking about killing a stuffed bear or a fake giraffe,
I've always been someone who has a hard time trusting people I don't know,
These same people, I am laughing with about busting my butt in the snow,
It's so strange to me to genuinely trust and care a lot for someone who's face I've never seen,
Your guys will never know how much you've helped me!


Thank you guys all so much! As I have said before I don't have anyone in my life who is chronically ill. I feel like no one understands me. You guys have helped me so much emotionally, I can never say thank you enough!

Saturday, February 5, 2011


Stop this pain, I just want to be free,
why can't you just take out what's poisoning me,
I want all this to stop I just want to live,
The people around me just continue to give,
I'm thankful for others and all of their love,
I'm especially thankful for the one up above,
I feel so cooped up as if in a small cage,
It's like my body is mad at me and it's filled up with rage,
Just to be normal and feel like the old me,
to me doesn't seem an unrealistic plea,
Just a short time of being free of pain,
Almost makes me feel healthy again,
Then the next day I feel so bad
and again I'm right back to feeling so sad,
Sometimes I feel that lupus makes me the only,
but we are all bound together and shouldn't ever feel lonely,
I'm so thankful for all the family and friends,
They are a big part of the reason I keep looking ahead,
I just want to lay down and sleep the pain away,
Of course I can't sleep because lupus plays a cruel game,
I think this was put on me because of the strength I have inside,
somedays I don't feel strong I just want to run and hide,
I don't know how I'm lucky enough to be surrounded totally with love,
Once again that's where HE comes in, the one up above.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

People really piss me off!

I just want to take a minute to have somewhat of a rant! Something I have noticed lately, with several of my "Chronies" (ha ha get it I used Chronie instead or cronie!) Anyway I have heard several stories of people with chronic illness being looked at a "pill seekers"
This has been happening to me recently as well. I have been ill with terrible pain and nausea and vomiting and it seemed like every doctor just wanted to give me a prescription and send me home. I am still yet to know what is causing me to be ill and in so much pain. That's a whole different rant all together though.
Anyway, now when I go to the doctor they will not even prescribe me anything for pain and they seem to think that's what I'm after. I even found out by looking at my medical records that they ever performed a drug abuse screening on me. First of all let's get one thing straight. I DO NOT WANT PILLS, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE PAIN IN THE FIRST PLACE!! This is the thing I have said time after time. Don't give me pills, figure out what will make me better!
The bad part is that I really want to be mad at the doctors for acting this way and I can't! It's not their fault that this has come about. It's all those pill popping drug abusing quacks that go to the doctor only to get pain meds. Furthermore, I actually have a close relative who is one of these people. Someone, who is healthy and wasting their life with drugs. I am offended by that! I would just like to take a minute to thank them for making me feel like some kind of criminal every time I have to go to the doctor with pain! THANKS YOU JACKASSES!
Anyway that was my crazy little rant!