Sunday, February 20, 2011

So Helpless!

I am no stranger to the self pity party. These last few months have been very hard for me. I have always been able to push through my flare ups. I can no longer push through whatever this is that's going on now. I am so sick and in so much pain and nothing I seem to do helps. I feel so helpless.
I was always going 100 miles an hour. I worked 12 hours a day and would come home cook dinner, do laundry, whatever. The last 6 months have been tough for me because I am relying on so many other people to help me. I am so thankful that so many people are there for me, but it's difficult not to feel guilty for them going way above and beyond what they need to do to help you. I went from 100 miles an hour in my mustang car to sitting in a Chevette that's wheels have been cemented into the ground! That's a hard pill to swallow.
My family and friends keep telling me that they want to do whatever they can to help because they feel so helpless that they can't make me feel better. They have done everything from, cleaning my house, grocery shopping, and driving me all over Ohio! I keep hearing the statement, "You are far too good a person to have to go through all this." That's such a great thing to be called a good person, but I don't really see myself that way. They keep saying over and over I feel so helpless I wish I could do something to make you feel better. I know they want to help but I always think to myself how could they possibly feel as helpless as I do?
Well now I know. In the past few days I have had a good friend involved in a motorcycle accident and another good friend who is very very sick. It is so frustrating not being able to fix it. I want to make them better and I can't do anything. Now I understand the feeling that others around me have. You just sit and worry constantly and try to figure out what to do. You always come up with nothing that's what's really bad.
At least I have been taught to let people do a little bit for me. If it helps to eliminate that helpless feeling, that I've been having, I'm glad to be able to hand over the reigns. Although it's hard not to be able to do everything myself, I wish I was healthy enough to go visit Tim in the hospital, or go clean Monique's house for her. It's so difficult to see someone you care about struggling that way. So yes I'm gonna say it, "They are too nice of people to be going through all this pain." I am an honest believer that some people could not handle going through that kind of pain though. God puts the strength inside us to be able to rise up!


Monique said...

I absolutely love you! You give strength to me when I'm weak. And laughter when I'm sad. And, one day we will be better. We will have enough energy that a road trip can't be stopped. I know that...we will win this together!