There is hope for teenagers!

I've begun to realize that I am officially an adult. Instead of being the one who people look at and think, "wow I just don't get kids today.", I am the one saying those words. I see the kids now, with their Bieber hair cuts and skinny jeans and wonder to myself, how they will ever grow up to be legitimate men. I stand behind girls in the mall and wonder why they giggle for 15 minutes, when the male cashier looks in their direction. I wonder why exactly they feel the need to sing Miley Cyrus at the top of their lungs while standing in line a FYE to buy the latest Twilight DVD. Apparently I've forgotten what it's like to put on your best out fit and shoes, and spend 4 hours styling my hair to go sit in a dark theater with, "the boy from school who is soooooo cute!"
I see shows on TV pretty much daily that show how messed up teenagers lives really are now. Of course there's the teen mom show, which let's face it teenagers have been getting pregnant for a long time now, they just now made a show about it. (No I do not think the show glorifies teen pregnancy or makes it a trend to get pregnant, but that's a whole other soap box!) I also see talk shows and shows about schools that show out of control teens. Teens have so much pressure to be thin, or pretty, drugs, drinking, violence. It's a lot of pressure that I don't think they are ready to handle and I think this causes many of them to buckle under the pressure. They give in to drugs or being disrespectful to others or bullying others.
I am proud to say that I have a 14 year old niece who is for sure the exception to this rule! Zoe is kinda like my mini me. If I didn't know better I would swear she was my child! She is very active in school. She is involved in volleyball, basketball, track,choir, and softball and she stands out in all of those activities, while still maintaining good grades! It's amazing. I honestly cannot express how proud I am of her. For one for doing all the things I just mentioned and also for maintaing a snarky witty attitude the whole way.
She has an older sister, who is 18 and autistic, and she helps her with school work whenever she needs it. It's amazing how big her heart is! She once told me, "I really wish you felt better Aunt Rose. You know if you ever need me I will be right there. Even if I have to run to your house I will, just let me know." How many teenagers do you know who would say something like that? Even more than that how many teenagers do you know that would say that and actually mean it? She is the only one I know of!
Every teenager from the age of about 13 on looks forward to their all important 16th birthday. With turning 16 comes the prospect of driving and more freedom. Most teenagers look forward to this time so they can have their own freedom and hang out with their friends. They begin to dream and work toward getting the car they want and make plans of what they will do with it. Zoe is not different, but the plans she's making are. She wants to get and SUV so that she will have plenty of room so she can help pick up her little brothers and her older sister, who is unable to drive due to being Autistic.
 She did something recently that just really blew my mind. She went to her first real dance. The dance was in May and as some of you know May is Lupus Awareness Month. She wore a purple dress and her boyfriend wore a tie with purple in it. I was so proud and of course she looked beautiful. It's funny how something like that just makes your heart swell.
So when I watch these shows where the kids are calling their parents names and fighting and getting in trouble, it makes me sad. I often think that there is no hope for teenagers. It's sad that many times that's all we see are the kids who are in trouble or doing bad things. That's what compelled me to write this blog. I'm so proud to have a niece who is the exception to the rule, of teenagers are terrible. I would love to see a talk show that showcases, kids like her, who are beautiful inside and out!

"Lucky" Ode to Mo

Sometimes it's hard for me to keep moving forward,
I know that I'm lucky to have someone to look toward,
I try to keep going, but often I fall,
I'm lucky because I always have someone to call,
I tend to be hardened and not quick to trust,
I'm lucky because in my life, she has become a must,
She's seen more pain and heartache than any one person should endure,
Somehow she continues to think of others more,
I'm amazed at her heart, strength and courage,
I'm blessed because she keeps me from being discouraged,
I'm lucky because since the day she came into my life,
She saved me from myself and all my inner strife,
It's a blessing to have a friend who helps to keep your dreams,
Especially from a friend who's face you've never really seen,
I've been abandoned by friends and even family,
I'm lucky because no matter what she's always right there for me,
I pray for the day, when again she will dance,
I treasure that I'm head over heel, in our "homance",
My hero doesn't wear a cape or have the ability to fly,
She simply sits back and listens whenever I need to cry,
I wish I could stop the pain that causes all her tears,
She's always been beside me when I've had to face my fears,
I wish I could take your pain from you and throw it all away,
I would take it on myself if it meant you would have a good day,
She never makes fun of the fact that I'm slightly burly,
She just fights it off with pink bandanas and everything else that's girly,
It says a lot about someone, who's been faced with things most can't fathom,
To be selfish or not think of others is something she cannot imagine,
Whenever I need strength she seems to always have some to spare,
A friendship like the one she's given me is just beyond compare,
To wrap it all up into one simple end,
I thank God every day that I'm lucky enough to be able to call her my friend!

Just one of those days..

As many of you know, living with a chronic illness is an evil roller coaster ride that you can never get off! I never really thought much about how hard it would really be. If you had asked me 10 years ago if there would ever be a time, where I would be limited with what I can do I would have laughed you right in your face and given you a very "colorful" answer. I have always been a typical go go go I'll sleep when I'm dead type of person. I would literally "spring" out of bed in the morning and do a whole day of work and then do a million activities after. There were very few days when I even sat down before it was time to go to bed.
Many of you regularly read my blog so I'm not gonna bore you with what you already know, but I've been having a rough go of it lately. I didn't realize what an emotional toll being sick takes on you. I feel like a totally different person now than I did 8 months ago, and I find many of us are going through this same thing.
Well my friends, I had "one of those days" today.
It all started at 3AM when the tornado sirens started going off and the wind sounded as if it would rip the side of my house off. A normal person's first thought is, "Wow I better get to the basement." Not this chick. I sat by the window and watched what was going on very closely because I knew that going down the stairs to get to the basement would hurt, because my knees are swollen and my stomach hurts so bad.
So I finally got to sleep at about 5AM. I was awakened at 9:30 by the husband walking in the door from work. (he's not supposed to get home until 3PM or so) So again, I was woke up. He got sent home early without pay because there was a power outage and the power never came back on. Normally this would be kind of a good thing, but given the fact that I'm unable to work right now, not so much.
So then, I had a rheumatologist appointment today. (enter scary movie sound effects here) So I go in there and find out that I have joint damage that I wasn't aware of before and I have to go back on the methotrexate shot. I know a couple of people who are on it as well, but for some reason my body hates it. So now I must inject myself with liquid fire that makes me feel like a puddle for 2 days after I take it.
I would never wish my pain on anyone, but the next person who gives me the "but you don't look sick" comment, I am going to punch them in the head and the stomach, then smack them in the face, then kick them in the knee. While they are down I am going to tie them down and say,"now, get up and go on with your day." When they say they don't think they can I am going to say, "Why not? You don't look sick."

YAY ME I WIN!!!

Ok so I was officially awarded the honest scrap award! Messy Happiness aka Mo Mo nominated me! I'm so proud. I haven't won many things in my life so let me have this moment!!! This is my acceptance speech!

I would like to thank everyone that has pushed me to start/ promote my blog! Especially Falanya at Live Thankfully and Monique at Messy Happiness. You guys are the greatest! 

I would also like to thank God. He is my creator and the one who keeps me weird mind somewhat functional. I also want to thank Him because he gave me the weird sense of humor and smart mouth that keeps people somewhat insterested in what I do! Plus I'm pretty sure that if I don't thank God Kanye is gonna run up here and steal my award. I love Taylor Swift and everything, but I'm not her I will drop kick that fool in a heart beat. He will be singing through the wire again!

So thanks so much everyone for all your support and I hope you continue to follow my blog and I hope it makes you smile or angry or feel some kind of strong emotion because that's what life is! 

So I'm gonna end with 10 random facts about me because I think that's what Mo Mo did, so basically I'm just gonna steal her idea! 

1) I am deathly afraid of birds. Everyone finds this strange but it's the whole squaking, swooping thing yeah it freaks me out!

2) I once kicked a boyfriend out of my car and made him walk about 15 miles to get home because he was drunk and called me a whore.

3) My husband is a red haired pale faced ginger, I love him to death and he hates it when I call him Raggedy Andy. Seriously, DON'T TRY IT.

4) I love music and I'm kinda obsessed with Taylor Swift even though she's almost like 10 years younger than me.

5) I really want one of those sock monkey taboggans but I can't get one cause my 14 year old niece has one, and I'm NOT gonna be the creepy Aunt who tries to dress like her 14 year old niece! That's just not cute!

6) I want to start a personal crusade against people who have mullets! COME ON, short or long you can't have both! It's not business in the front, party in the back! It's just a disaster all over!

7) Sometimes I have really random evil thoughts. I do not act on them but I do burst out laughing randomly. (ex. I will see someone sitting on a railing on a porch and think to myself how funny it would be to push them over. Again I DO NOT ACT ON THESE THOUGHTS. I just laugh)

8) I am a 80s hairband front man in my car. I love the music and I'm pretty sure I was Sebastian Bach in a past life!

9) My best friend Ashley is the funniest person I know. She is the human version of Agnes from despicable me.

10)Every time I hear someone say "That's what's up" 50 times in a ten minute conversation, it makes me so angry I want to punch myself in the face repeatedly! 

Thanks for listening and thanks Mo for the Scrap award! 

Back by popular demand!

Sorry about the fact that I've been kinda awol from my blog! I haven't been having a rough go of it lately and I'm not fortunate enough to have a laptop.
I've had a pretty bad day today even, but I decided to write and try to get my feelings out. Many people don't realize how much emotional pain comes along with physical illness. I used to always be a "glass half full" kind of gal. I still try to do this for the most part, even though it's annoying to some people at times. I've always felt like feeling sorry for myself or dwelling on the negative only makes things worse. Then came lupus....
I didn't realize how, something I've practiced my whole life, would become so difficult to me. Right now, I'm sicker than I have ever been in my life. The last 7 months of my life have been spent in a bed or a doctors office. Now, anyone with a chronic illness will agree, that a doctors visit does NOT qualify as a recreational outing. Right now, that's all I can do though. I was always a 100 mile an hour, "I'll sleep when I'm dead" kind of person. So this has been very difficult for me to adjust to.
I feel like my own body has yanked the preverbial rug out from under me and there's nothing I can do about it. So with that, I'm finding that the glass that I once saw as half full is either totally empty. Actually most days the glass is shattered on the floor.
I'm so thankful that I have friends and family to lean on. I'm gonna steal from my friend Monique in saying, there has been more than 50 times lately where friends and family have lent me their strength. I keep questioning myself. I cry almost every day and I try to hide it. I wonder through the tears if I'm strong enough to go on. Somehow I find the strength to keep pushing forward. It took me a while to figure out how, but it's all the people in my life and even just the people who stumble upon or follow my blog. You all give me strength every day. I just want to say thank you to all of you right now! THANK YOU!
Mo Mo, Fo Fo, Jo Jo and Po Po. (they all know who they are) You guys especially always give me strength and I'm so thankful. Thank you for always having a kind word, or just an "I understand" (because I know you truly do) What we go through is something no healthy person can get and I'm thankful I have you guys to "get" me!
You can find Jo Jo Mo Mo Fo Fo and Po Po on twitter

@lupusman
@falanya
@messyhappiness
@purplegimp

Tied Together with a smile

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a huge Taylor Swift fan! One of her older songs came on recently and I realized how much it explained, some of the feelings I have while battling with being sick. I tend to be a bit of a pessimist about myself and it gets way worse when I'm sick. Not many people know this. Even when I am in so much pain I can hardly stand it, I smile a lot to make everyone else think I'm fine. I've been doing this for years now. I heard this song and it reminded me of myself. Even though the song is about love, it always evokes strong emotions in me. Hope you enjoy!

Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty
Is the face in the mirror looking back at you
You walk around here thinking you're not pretty
But that's not true, cause I know you

Hold on baby you're losing it
The water's high you're jumping in to it 
And letting go and no one knows
That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone


Guess its true that love is all you wanted
Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change
Hoping it will end up in his pocket 
But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain
Oh cause it's not his price to pay
It's not his price to pay

Hold on baby you're losing it
The water's high you're jumping in to it 
And letting go and no one knows
That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone

oh oh oh oh
Hold on baby you're losing it
The water's high you're jumping in to it 
And letting go and no one knows
That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone


oh oh oh oh
You're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone

-Taylor Swift


The chorus especially speaks to me. I have come "undone" and can no longer always be "tied together with a smile". I still try to do it but nobody is buying it anymore. I've jumped into the water and am hoping that I don't drown. I know that if I just keep swimming I can make it! 

MY Vicious In Laws

Their have been countless jokes and stories written about people and their troubles with their in laws. It has been recorded in countless songs. Most people I know dread going to their in laws houses or even spending a few minutes with them. I for one, got lucky enough not to have to be one of those people. I will never forget the feeling of complete terror on the 20 minute drive to his mom's house to meet them for the first time. I was almost nauseous because I was so nervous. After the first 10 minutes everything changed! My husband is constantly pulling me away from his mom's house or getting jokingly offended because his sister comes over to the house and walks right past him to say hello to me! lol I just wanted to write this to make you all jealous of my situation and also as kind of a tribute to all of them.
My husbands brother Taylor, is one of those people who walks into a room and commands attention! He is one of the funniest people that I know. I admire the fact that he can talk to anyone. No matter what age,race, religion or sex you are, you just want to be his friend as soon as you meet him! It's really strange! He is one of the most fun loving people I know as well. He is still quite young so of course it has gotten him in trouble from time to time. I find myself incredibly protective of him as if he is truly my own little brother. I catch myself, every time I talk to him, ending the conversation with, "Have fun but make sure you are also being careful!" I have officially become the protective big sister! lol
His sister Tiffanie is also someone that you can't help but notice when she walks into a room. She is physically one of the most beautiful people ever. The best part about that is that she really doesn't give a shit! I know that sounds kind of harsh to say, but what I mean is she is one of the most beautiful people inside as well. Most of the time you see women who are beautiful on the outside and as soon as they open their mouth to start talking to you, you would rather punch yourself in the face repeatedly than to continue on with the conversation. She is smart and caring and she can laugh and joke with me about just about anything! She is also one of those people who, as soon as you meet her you really want to be her friend!
My husband gets most of his demeanor from his Dad.  I have never met a more calm person in my life. lol When you around him it's just kind of relaxing. He doesn't really get too excited about anything and that is one of the things I value most about my husband. I worry all the time and he snaps me out of it.
His step dad Chuck is one of the most interesting people to talk to. He could hold a conversation with anyone about anything. There is truly never a dull moment around him. In a lot of ways, in my opinion, he has been a huge influence in my husbands life. He has taught him a lot of things about being self sufficient and is definitely kind of a ying to Koy's moms yang. In a lot of ways he is like me, how Koy is like his mother. I tend to talk all the time and he tells me to shut up. Much is the same with Chuck and Koy's mother. lol I can never keep a straight face when someone says something and he spits out, "Gee Fer Socks" (or whatever the saying is)
Koy's mother Kathie has been an extremely influential person in my life. She is an incredibly strong woman who goes right after what she wants. Most women like that tend to be cold and off putting but I don't know of ANYONE who rivals the heart of gold that is inside this woman. I can remember the feeling of sheer terror 3 years ago when we were on our way to tell her that we were engaged. I have loved Kathie since the first time I met her, but I was engaged to be married to her only biological son. Most women tend to have some bitterness in that situation. I was freaking out the whole drive there. We walked into the door and on my way to the bathroom, I tripped over her dog and fell in the hallway. So right then I thought to myself, ok this can't be a good sign. When we told her she actually cried tears of joy. She welcomed me into the family with open arms and has treated me just like one of her kids ever since. She has done everything from, sitting in the hospital with me to just listening to me cry if I had a bad day. I have never felt so close to someone who is not part of my biological family. I could sit and talk to her for hours and she always knows what to say.
I don't really understand how I got so lucky to be blessed to have all these people in my life. Without, even talking about my husband, I guess you can see why he was the one I chose to marry. I love all of them so much, just as if they were my own family, because now they are. Koy has a little piece of all of these people in him. It makes him the perfect person for me. I have especially, lately, realized that you have to hold onto what you can, when all else seems to be failing. I thank God every day that I have such strong wonderful people to hold on to!