Thursday, April 14, 2011

Back by popular demand!

Sorry about the fact that I've been kinda awol from my blog! I haven't been having a rough go of it lately and I'm not fortunate enough to have a laptop.
I've had a pretty bad day today even, but I decided to write and try to get my feelings out. Many people don't realize how much emotional pain comes along with physical illness. I used to always be a "glass half full" kind of gal. I still try to do this for the most part, even though it's annoying to some people at times. I've always felt like feeling sorry for myself or dwelling on the negative only makes things worse. Then came lupus....
I didn't realize how, something I've practiced my whole life, would become so difficult to me. Right now, I'm sicker than I have ever been in my life. The last 7 months of my life have been spent in a bed or a doctors office. Now, anyone with a chronic illness will agree, that a doctors visit does NOT qualify as a recreational outing. Right now, that's all I can do though. I was always a 100 mile an hour, "I'll sleep when I'm dead" kind of person. So this has been very difficult for me to adjust to.
I feel like my own body has yanked the preverbial rug out from under me and there's nothing I can do about it. So with that, I'm finding that the glass that I once saw as half full is either totally empty. Actually most days the glass is shattered on the floor.
I'm so thankful that I have friends and family to lean on. I'm gonna steal from my friend Monique in saying, there has been more than 50 times lately where friends and family have lent me their strength. I keep questioning myself. I cry almost every day and I try to hide it. I wonder through the tears if I'm strong enough to go on. Somehow I find the strength to keep pushing forward. It took me a while to figure out how, but it's all the people in my life and even just the people who stumble upon or follow my blog. You all give me strength every day. I just want to say thank you to all of you right now! THANK YOU!
Mo Mo, Fo Fo, Jo Jo and Po Po. (they all know who they are) You guys especially always give me strength and I'm so thankful. Thank you for always having a kind word, or just an "I understand" (because I know you truly do) What we go through is something no healthy person can get and I'm thankful I have you guys to "get" me!
You can find Jo Jo Mo Mo Fo Fo and Po Po on twitter