Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I have Lupus and you're just a loser

So as many of you know, when you live the life that we sick people do, television become a big part of your life. There's only so much time you can spend reading,playing on the internet, or your phone. I find myself becoming very caught up in people's lives and feeling what they are feeling. I think being sick has really heightened how I relate to people in general, but especially people who are having personal or life struggles.
Tonight was the premiere of a show called I Used To Be Fat on MTV. I felt really great about this show, due to the fact that America's statistics for obesity in adults and teens is ridiculous. For those of you who have never seen it, it is a show that follows individual teens who want to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle before they go to college. It's a show that I used to love. I felt the teens personal triumph when they achieved their goals and were able to do things in life that they were never able to do before.
Being sick the last year has greatly affected the way I feel about watching this show. I couldn't believe that a show that used to give me so much hope for people could make me feel so depressed.
At the beginning of the show I found myself becoming more and more angry with this teen boy, with every bite of a greasy hamburger, or every chocolate chip pancake he ate. I'm the first one to say that you have to indulge sometimes, but the quantity of food this kid ate was seriously crazy.
Not only did his food choices and portions bother me, but the thing that really made me furious, was watching this kid sit on the couch and choose not to do any physical activity whatsoever.
It was so great seeing him do the work and get the weight off. He worked very hard and made his life better. He saw something that made him un happy and he changed it. That's so wonderful!
I know this sounds a little selfish, but I want to know where the trainer is that will show up and wave his magic wand and give me the health to excercise like I did before I became a cave creature. I remember a time when I would leave in the morning, work 12 hours, go play softball or go to a dance class after, and still be able to play with my dogs in the yard when I got home. When does the magic guy show up to put me back to being active and 25lbs lighter?
It just makes me sad to see teen kids that are completely healthy wasting it. I wish I could go run on a treadmill and sweat until my muscles scream for me to stop. If I try to walk up 10 stairs my whole body screams for me to stop. Most of the time my body won't even allow me to get up 2 before it completely gives up. I just want to be normal and I see people wasting their lives.
The show Intervention absolutely infurates me! I know drug addiction is a disease and it's a horrible thing to have to recover from. I've been around enough people who are addicted or have been addicted to drugs to know this. Now this next part may make some people mad, but so be it! The part that I don't get is that at some point they made the decision to abuse a drug and essentially poison themselves. I've seen people that I'm close to waste years of their life caught up in a substance that is killing their healthy body. At the point I am in my life right now, I can't even fathom someone intentionally harming their body.
I have to struggle and work hard every day just to do the things that annoy people. I could easily ask someone else to do it for me, but I WANT to be normal. I want to do the boring things that I used to hate because when EVERYTHING that you know is totally taken from you and there's nothing you can do, the things that used to annoy you suddenly seem so stupid. Why did I waste so much time being miserable doing certain activities, that I pray that I might be able to do again.
I take it extremely personally, when people waste their lives damaging themselves. I fight every day trying to repair the damage that my Lupus causes my body to do to itself. How can you waste something so precious? I don't understand it and I probably never will again. So if you are a healthy person who is reading this, please live every day to it's fullest and try to see things from our point of view, and I guarantee you will feel differently about things. Stop poisoning your body! It doesn't matter if you're doing it with drugs, alcohol, food or whatever. Your health is a gift and please don't waste it. Think of it as doing those of us who can't do what you can, a favor!