Wednesday, August 31, 2011

You're not a factor

My thoughts are racing my heart is heavy,
Is it a mistake to bring up the pain,
Its taken me too long to build this emotional levy,
If I break it I might go insane,
For so many years I've just pushed it away,
It was far to painful to think about,
But it is in my head every day,
I can no longer push it out,
You were the one who should protect me from those like you,
You filled me with hate and made me someone I'm not,
It has ruled my life and I know what I have to do,
I've reach out after 20 years for something I've sought,
You planted an emotional bomb in me,
You left it for someone else to deal with,
You didn't take the time to even try to see,
The effects and all the times that I've tripped,
I always wear a smile I use as a mask,
Trying to be happy even though I'm hurt,
I feel like true happiness is too much to ask,
Tried to push it aside but it didn't work,
I feel so betrayed, robbed and sad,
You were supposed to be the one I could trust,
You don't know the effect your mistake has had,
I feel I don't deserve happiness, but God must,
You made it impossible for me to trust men,
You betrayed me in every way,
Although you don't deserve it, I can forgive
My hate will end after today,
You took everything from me but I'm proud that I can still give,
Another man stepped up to the job you should've wanted to have
Although you now say you sorry and live with regret,
The man who doesn't even share my DNA will always be my dad,
I am a big enough person to forgive but I will  never forget,
How you slammed me to the ground and didn't even care,
You didn't even have the courage to stay and see the impact of the fall,
When I picked my head up I realized I still had hope and love to spare,
I had to be the strong one because you couldn't make the call,
I'm proud of the person I am with no help from you,
Looking back it was better that you weren't around,
I still pray you are happy and just have a different view,
Just know that I'll always continue to pick myself up off the ground!